Not another New Year's resolution...

Well, I;m officially a non home schooler.  This is not the path I would have originally chosen, but it's the one I'm on.  Due to changes and obstacles, I'm working a lot (and that is an understatement), I've put both kids in public school.  My daughter started at the beginning of the school year, but my son just started on Friday. He was the one I was most worried about, but again the Lord proves that I don't need to stress.  He immediately made a friend, and loved every part of it.  That was my reassurance from my Papa in Heaven, so we start a new chapter in the new year.  I love it when our consolation comes so quickly, because so many times I'm wondering where God is.  Especially this past year.  2016 was rough.  It was filled with unexpected choices, difficult decisions and a lot of heartbreak, and not just my own. Brokenness seems to have a trickle down effect. It doesn't hide well, and the waves crash over everyone. Tears don't come easily to me, and I don't acknowledge my sadness, but it erupts in other ways: anger, frustration, disconnect...and while that may be how 2016 ended, it is not how it is beginning.

HOPE.  This is the theme of my new chapter in 2017.  My son making an immediate friend and adapting so quickly to this change is a gift from God and God only.  Those who know my son, know that change is hard, and making friends is even harder.  So, while this gift was for him, it was also for me to recognize the One who made it so, and remember His promise to provide and care.  His grace in this was and is undeserved, and that is what makes it even sweeter.  Matthew 6:26 reminds us of our worth.

Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

 Hope and reliance on the Lord will be my foreground, background and everything in the middle.  I choose to embrace the changes that are still on the horizon with grace and gratitude.  This is not a New Year's resolution,  This is not a goal.  It is just life.

What are you doing...here?

What are you doing...here?  This was asked of me a while ago and I'm still pondering the question.  What am I doing and what am I doing here?  I don't know and that scares me.  What am I supposed to be doing?  I'm a wife.  I'm a mom.  I do wife things and I do mom things.  I make breakfast, I make my husband's lunch, I clean the house, I work part time, I school the children, but does this have any eternal value?  Am I doing these things out of rote motion, or am I doing these things for His glory?  How do I make every minute of my day , every action, every thought, every word spoken an offering unto the Lord?  How do I not get so caught up in the routine of everyday life that I forget what I was created for.  I was created to worship the Lord, which means begin my day, live in the day, and end the day with my Maker. This brings me to an older post of mine where I listed goals for that year.  I don't think we quite did them, so we are on Mission Statement, part 2:

1. Asking ourselves who we are as a family; what is our reason for existence; and what do we wish to accomplish.
2. Looking back at our family history and seeing how has our family been used by God, and what unique resources, gifts or talents does our family have.
3. Asking what do we believe. What are our family's core values beliefs. What is important to our family, and what behaviours do we want to encourage and discourage.
4. Who are we in terms of a family unit? Why do we exist as a family, and what should we accomplish as a family? WRITE MISSION STATEMENT based on these questions.
5. Looking at where we want to be in 3-5 years. What do we think we will be doing at that time, and as a family, what direction do we feel called to take by God to achieve our mission?
6. List short-term objectives
7. List Major Hindrances that will affect our family in reaching the mission/vision that we have developed. What stands in our way?
8. Determine strategic actions to overcome each barrier.
9. Write this all down in notebook.
10. Believe in our mission/vision statements and LIVE BY THEM!

It's time to stop talking and time to start doing!  Life is not waiting for us...

Blessings!

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live  and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.  Deuteronomy 30:19-20

Veganuary Challenge 2015

Well, I did it. I've gone back and forth on the whole vegetarian, not a vegetarian issue for a while now.  When I heard about the Veguanuary challenge, I jumped in.  As of January 1, I have eaten a vegan diet.  I really thought that giving up cheese would be impossible, but I haven't really missed it. Daiya makes a pretty close cheese substitute, and comes in handy when needing a pizza fix. Going vegan has actually been pretty darn easy.  There are apps out there that you can use in the grocery store: Is it vegan is one of them.  The Happy Cow app will show you all the vegan friendly restaurants nearby, and of course there is Facebook: your one stop shop for everything...

I feel healthier than I have in a long time, and I haven't suffered any energy loss.  I even think I've lost a few pounds and a few inches too.  The challenge is supposed to be for the month of January, but I'm going to keep at it.  I'm also going to start posting my recipes as well.  

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

This summer has been reminiscent of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.  Have had quite a few jumps, and sharp turns, but have always been able to make it back home.  The Lord has been very faithful in everything that I do.  I may not understand the why or the what for, but I don't need to.  I just need to trust.
My father passed away this summer, after battling a year with lung cancer, and permit me to say, cancer stinks.  I made it there the day he died, so I'm thankful for that.  They say he waited for me.  Even though we knew he had a limited time of life, there is just no preparing.  My mom is distraught.  I stayed with her for six weeks, but I had to come home to my family.  We can only pray that she will come and live with us.

Completing my "want to's"

It's been a while since my last post. I'm not sure why it takes me so long between posts. A lot has been going on in my life, so it's not for lack of subject matter. Maybe it's my insecurity about my writing. I've wanted to be a writer for so long, but have been too scared to actually pursue my dream. Not anymore! About 8 years ago, I went on a women's retreat. It was incredible. At the end, we wrote out a list of what I call "want to's". All but one has come to fruition...writing a book. There, I said it, out loud. "I want to write a book, no, I'm supposed to write a book." If there is anybody out there reading this, you can comment and help me with my accountability. I would be appreciative.
Something else has been on my mind. I never finished college. I think about this all the time, especially with my oldest getting ready to attend college in the fall. I've decided to go back and finish my degree in Writing/Journalism/English. All it took was a couple of phone calls to my old university to find my transcripts, which I'm not entirely proud of, but it could have been worse. Next step is deciding where to go and sending them the information. I'm excited about this new chapter in my life. There is something about finishing something that was started so long ago. I'm praying that God keeps this door open, and that it's his approval, his encouragement, and his honor that I seek. If that is my goal, how can I fail.

From point A to point B...

I've wondered how it is we get from one side of a breaking heart to another. I've lived through my heart being crushed, dampened, torn apart, hardened and then softened to start the whole process again. I wonder how many more emotions are in store for me...

I wonder where our hearts can travel
on a string of pain
not knowing if loss or gain
is on the map
I wonder why we venture out
into a world so cold
so apathetic to the needs of so many,
indifferent in the midst
of such agony
I wonder how we can stand so still
while listening to the tears
that fall like rain on the pavement,
pouring out of lives,
wetting the feet of our friends and lovers,
only to be wiped off callously before they step inside.
How much shaking can we do?
How much heart breaking can we stand?
Without somebody to hold my hand,
Where will I land?
I wonder what it's gonna take
to trust again, and stop our hearts
from beating to the same set of drums.
How many emotions have to be revisited
or recycled before this endless loop
circles back again
I wonder who it is that can say
"remember when",
as if you could ever forget.
Why is it so easy to love
when you are farthest away?
Why is it in the darkest of night,
that the memories come out to play?
How much of my broken heart
do you need to see,
to get from point A to point B...

"Journey" to the past...

I worked about 16 hours today, and enjoyed every minute of it. I was backstage catering at the Journey and Cheap Trick concert. Bands that I listened to when I was a mere child. I heard "Open Arms" "Faithfully" "Separate Ways". Good songs that bring back good memories and some not so good memories, but I am thankful for both. I love music. Certain songs can bring me back to certain moments that I hadn't thought about in awhile. "Open Arms" brings me back to when I was about 14 and living in the Philippines. Those were the best times and some of the worst times of my life but worth every moment spent there. I lived on an Air Force Base and we had one radio station, and everyday between 4 and 6 pm they would take dedications. It was an easy way to see who was still in love and who was broken up or who was breaking up with a song. :) Living on that base was like living in a very small town. Everybody knew everybody. It was fantastic. "Open Arms" was probably one of the most dedicated songs on that radio station, and still one of the most romantic songs ever written.
So, while I was working the show, I did not get to see the concert, but I did hear it and while things have changed, they still sound like they did way back when, and it brings a smile to my face...