living4Him247

From point A to point B...

2008-08-09T22:33:00.000-07:00

I've wondered how it is we get from one side of a breaking heart to another. I've lived through my heart being crushed, dampened, torn apart, hardened and then softened to start the whole process again. I wonder how many more emotions are in store for me...

I wonder where our hearts can travel
on a string of pain
not knowing if loss or gain
is on the map
I wonder why we venture out
into a world so cold
so apathetic to the needs of so many,
indifferent in the midst
of such agony
I wonder how we can stand so still
while listening to the tears
that fall like rain on the pavement,
pouring out of lives,
wetting the feet of our friends and lovers,
only to be wiped off callously before they step inside.
How much shaking can we do?
How much heart breaking can we stand?
Without somebody to hold my hand,
Where will I land?
I wonder what it's gonna take
to trust again, and stop our hearts
from beating to the same set of drums.
How many emotions have to be revisited
or recycled before this endless loop
circles back again
I wonder who it is that can say
"remember when",
as if you could ever forget.
Why is it so easy to love
when you are farthest away?
Why is it in the darkest of night,
that the memories come out to play?
How much of my broken heart
do you need to see,
to get from point A to point B...

"Journey" to the past...

2008-08-07T23:16:00.000-07:00

I worked about 16 hours today, and enjoyed every minute of it. I was backstage catering at the Journey and Cheap Trick concert. Bands that I listened to when I was a mere child. I heard "Open Arms" "Faithfully" "Separate Ways". Good songs that bring back good memories and some not so good memories, but I am thankful for both. I love music. Certain songs can bring me back to certain moments that I hadn't thought about in awhile. "Open Arms" brings me back to when I was about 14 and living in the Philippines. Those were the best times and some of the worst times of my life but worth every moment spent there. I lived on an Air Force Base and we had one radio station, and everyday between 4 and 6 pm they would take dedications. It was an easy way to see who was still in love and who was broken up or who was breaking up with a song. :) Living on that base was like living in a very small town. Everybody knew everybody. It was fantastic. "Open Arms" was probably one of the most dedicated songs on that radio station, and still one of the most romantic songs ever written.
So, while I was working the show, I did not get to see the concert, but I did hear it and while things have changed, they still sound like they did way back when, and it brings a smile to my face...

Never know what to expect upon returning home...

2008-08-06T22:24:00.001-07:00

My son wants to be a smurf. He hasn't actually come out and expressed this, but what else can I think, when I come home to find that he has taken a blue marker and colored himself blue. Yep, the whole belly/chest area, part of his back, a little on his face. Very nice shade of light blue. Granted this was better (I think) than coloring the walls or doors; it was and is still difficult to remove. I can't even find the marker to see if it was permanent or not. I guess we will just have to wait until it wears off. Funny thing is, this wasn't even the most amusing part of the story. He had put on 8 pairs of pants because he didn't want to feel the spanking (which he didn't get - I was just too amused). 8 pairs of pants and blue, it makes a momma proud. :)

Zest Long Forgotten

2008-08-01T22:55:00.000-07:00

With childlike wonder
you gaze,
aware and trusting
of things which we long ago
stopped believing.
Hoping and dreaming
of a life which unfortunately
we can turn into a nightmare.
Fearlessly,
Relentlessly
pushing forwards.
Striving to be
completely
enamored with
possibilities
of a brand new world.
Opening your eyes
to a new day,
which we rapidly get through
and call yesterday.
Maybe through you
I can live again,
with a zest long forgotten.
Let me see through your eyes
and exist in a state of innocence,
looking forward to tomorrow.

I came across this as I was looking at old journals. I wrote this poem a few months after my oldest was born. That was fourteen years ago. I couldn't stop thinking about how she was seeing things for the first time, and how I have taken for granted particular moments. It has been impressed upon me that with every situation I find myself in, I have that "one" moment that I can't get back; so I need to make sure my choices are the best ones that I can make.

It's Monday....

2008-07-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

and I was able to sleep in. I have a hard week ahead of me, but I am not complaining. Actually, I am thanking God for providing so much work. It certainly takes the stress off when it comes to paying bills. I wait tables at an awesome restaurant and I get to do some catering as well. We
catered for the band Poison a couple of weeks ago, and that was pretty cool. I cut my teeth on heavy metal, so it was nice visit to the good old days of rock concerts, except this time I was backstage feeding them and somewhat attending to their dressing rooms. Twenty years ago, I would have been in heaven doing this, now it's just a job, and my vision of heaven looks very different. I am in a very good place, and I am thankful for my children (my gifts from God), and all the other special people He has placed in my life - you know who you are :).

"This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

Life Verse

2008-07-13T14:58:00.001-07:00

Whenever we curse our struggles and conflicts, we inevitably squander opportunities to bring glory to God, serve others, and grow to be more like Christ. But when we respond to God's grace by consecrating our difficulties to Him, there is no limit to the good that can be accomplished, even when that good seems far away at the time.

Ken Sande

I came across this quote today. It used to be my signature for all of my emails, but was at some point replaced with another quote that "spoke" to me at that point of my life. But after reading this one again, this has brought home to me that my number one goal in life is to bring glory to God, serve others, and grow to be more like Christ. If I don't live this, all else falls apart, and has fallen apart. But I am in a different season now. I can see the forest for all of its trees, and I know that there is an "other" side to the grief, despair and valleys of suffering. God gave me my life verse this past month, and it was a sweet message, with a great promise:

"I would have lost heart, if I had not believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Psalms 27:13

God is right here, wherever we are, at all times!

Here comes kindergarten...

2007-08-09T15:37:00.000-07:00

My little girl started kindergarten this week. It has been such a good week. With the exception of phonics, we love the curriculum. And she is doing so well. She's so cooperative. It's nice teaching a child that wants to do school. My older dd is not so excited, but then again her curriculum is not as much "fun"! I mean, who wouldn't want to do school when you are "playing" with teddy bear counters and popsicle sticks, coloring and making prayer posters, and listening to mom read all kinds of books, and sitting out in the backyard watching all the birds fly and sing amongs the trees. I don't know if mom or daughter is having more fun , but I guess it doesn't really matter, does it. I hope everybody else is having as good a time as we are.

For those of you interested in what we are doing for kindergarten:

Rightstart Math, level A - Thumbs up for this program!
Sonlight PreK - DD loves the Lion Storyteller book (we are using Janet's schedule from the prek yahoo group)
Phonics - right now we are using the Phonogram Fun Packet. This is based on the SWR phonogram cards used in 2 different board games played with mini teddy bears. We were going to use SWR as our main phonics program, but that's changed. I am now looking at a program called Astronauts to Zippers. I believe that it will be a better fit for us. Once we receive and use it, I will post my review.
Handwriting - ??????????

And that's it for now. Sonlight has science built into the program, and I also have Christian Liberty Press' K book, but I will wait until later in the year (once she is writing) to start that. I believe that it's enough.

Homeschool Open House

2007-08-05T12:32:00.000-07:00

Tiany of http://homeschoolblogger.com/Tiany/366106/ is holding a Homeschool Open House. A great way to see what others are doing while on their homeschool journey.

We have been homeschooling for 3 years. I pulled my dd out of public school just before she started 5th grade, and she is about to enter 8th grade. This year I am adding my 5 year old dd to the mix. I'm very excited to teach kindergarten. I also have a 3 year old little boy, that likes to sit in with sissy reviewing the phonics cards. I think he knows as many sounds of the alphabet as she does. Thank you "Letter Factory" DVDs. We actually start tomorrow, and I can't wait.

8th Grader -

We are using a unit study called "Teaching with God's Heart for the World" this year. It's primarily for my oldest, but the Bible part will be done with everyone sitting in. This will cover History as well, using various spine books.

Math - Lial's BCM with the digital video tutors & the Right Start Math Card Games

Logic - The Fallacy Detective

Science - BJUP Life Science (done at our homeschool tutorial)

Speech - Abeka (done at our homeschool tutorial)

Foreign Language - Latin in the Christian Trivium and Learnables French

Literature - Literary Lessons from the Lord of the Rings

Geography - Beautiful Feet's Geography through Literature

Grammar - Rod & Staff English 6

Writing - IEW

Art - Meet the Masters @ Home

Music - Classical Music: A New Way of Listening

Kindergarten -

I am starting Sonlight's Pre-K program with my 5 year old, and am anticipating moving into their K program after Christmas.

Phonics - ????????????
Math - Right Start Math Level A

Science - CLP's Kindergarten Science, along with various readings from Sonlight and the CLP Nature Readers

Handwriting - ?????????????

I prefer to schedule the entire year, and also do a daily schedule. It has helped my dd to see her day laid out.

This is also our first year with a homeschool room. We moved last year, and this house has a sun room which we converted to our school room. I absolutely love having a room for all of our books.

My most favorite "homeschooling" books are:

Educating the Whole Hearted Child

The Well Trained Mind

Cathy Duffy's Christian Home Educator's Curriculum Manuals

Homeschooling is not easy, but I love it. And finally, my 8th grader is admitting to others that she loves it too. God is great!

Barking orders from the Bedside

2007-07-28T11:56:00.000-07:00

I've been sick this entire week! Sicker than sick! Not the upchucking kind of sick, but the kind of sick where a high fever just knocks you on your feet with chills and joint pains, (actually knocks you into bed, which becomes a prison). Mom's just cannot get sick, the whole house literally looks like an explosion took place in every room of the house. My oldest daughter was at a Red Cross Camp this week as well, so my 2 youngest were basically left the run of the house, with me trying to bark orders from my bedside (which does not work!). I will not be including pictures, so please don't ask. :)
Today is a different day! To quote a song, "I Feel Good!" Gooder than good! Backyard is cut, the kitchen is clean, trash is handled. If you're thinking, "where is her husband, and why hasn't he done anything?", do not worry. My wonderful husband just started a week ago a night job (3rd shift), and is trying to get sleeping in the day down pat. However, he did wake up early a few days and did the grocery shopping (excellently, I might add), made sure the kids ate some kind of dinner each night, and while he was here and awake, brought me everything that I asked for, and listened to a lot of whining from me, because I simply do not like to be sick, and want to be babied when I am (we can blame my mom for that one :))
Most of all, I am in complete praise for God for this week, and especially for this day! I truly don't believe that I would be having a day as good as today, if God had not allowed me to be miserable this week in my sickness. I see God in everything I do today, and I am hearing him clearer today, than I have in a while!

To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen. Philippians 4:20

This week has spoken volumes to me, and I pray that the lesson learned here will be remembered in my heart forever.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called
you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen,
and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10

And the winner is....

2007-07-28T10:32:00.000-07:00

Shannon from http://gabis-world.blogspot.com/ is the winner of my giveaway! Thank you all so much for joining. This has been so much fun, and has opened a path to other blogs that I would like to read. Please come back to this blog whenever you feel like it!

Love and Blessings,
Heather

Doggy Days Contest is now closed...

2007-07-27T09:30:00.001-07:00

I have been sick with a flu like virus for the past 4 days, so it will not be until tomorrow when I announce the winner. My oldest dd comes home tonight, and I will have her help me get all the names together and my little ones will draw the name. I will announce the winner on my blog tommorrow morning! Thanks for joining in! I didn't know there would be such an interest!

Blessings!

Dog Days of Summer Bloggy Giveaway

2007-07-23T10:32:00.000-07:00

I've signed up for the Dog Days of Summer Bloggy Giveaway that started here: http://rocksinmydryer.typepad.com/shannon/2007/07/a-very-bloggy-g.html#comment-76933140

I am giving away a copy of Elisabeth Elliot's book "Passion and Purity". Hopefully, I have linked this correctly.

Enter a comment to put your name in the drawing. On Friday, July 27, I will draw your name and contact you.

Have fun!

Ch...Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes...

2007-07-22T19:38:00.000-07:00

My husband started a new job this past week.

Right after I made that goal of , what were my exact words..., oh yeah, "trusting his judgement". He had a very good job. Most of the co-workers were godly men. I was comfortable. So comfortable, that I didn't realize that my husband was drowning in his sea of despair. I knew he was unhappy, but I likened it to boredom. I assumed it was a passing phase, but it ended up being so much more. It's terrifying to see somebody you love leap into such a state of depression, but sadder yet, when you've been right there with them the whole time, but because of your (my) security isssues, you ignore the signs. I ignored his subtle complaints; I shut down if I even felt like he was thinking of another job. I didn't honor my husband's wishes in this manner. I like security. I'm not one that is totally resistant to change, but I have realized that I like to be in control of all changes that involve me. Even to the point where I have not let God do His work, because I refused to get out of the way. This was one of those times. Don't you just love those trials or lessons that you think others are going through, only to find that the trial was just as much for you as the other person. I didn't love those trials, but I've realized that my heavenly Father loves me and my husband so much, that in order to bring us closer to Him (my case), or bring the prodigal back into His arms (my husband), He needed to sear a few things out of our lives. What was amazing is that He allowed us to truly go through this together. I was immediately convicted when I acted out of line, and when the temptation to walk away from what I felt was my husband's selfishness, the Lord brought a face into my mind. I called this person, and godly advice poured out, and through this phone call, I experienced a brokenness that I have never felt before in my life. Don't get me wrong, I've been sad, extremely angry, but I've always been self-reliant, but not this day. I was broken to the point of tears, lying on my face, crying out to God, because I couldn't do it anymore. My reserve was empty, which I've realized is where God really does His best. He doesn't let you stay empty for long. He is eager to fill that place with what you really need, not what you think you need. He filled my emptiness with love: His love, my love, a true reciprocating circle of love that continues to spin today. On my own accord, I was ready to walk away. On God's accord, I fell in love with my husband again, and now have that peace to trust my husband's judgement, but only because I trusted God then, and I trust Him now. I know there will be other battles or trials in the future, but I also know that there will be "plateaus of peace, vistas of glory, and gentle sunbeams to rest in."

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to
completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6

This was the scripture that God sent us during this time. We are on a journey, and we won't be perfect until the day of Jesus Christ, but we are not alone.

"It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you
or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deuteronomy 3:18

My husband has been working for a week for a new company. It's an out of town construction company that travels extensively. They will be in our city for a couple of months and then they will move on. However, they have approached my husband about travelling with them, which brings about a whole new set of circumstances to pray about, but it's okay. We are praying together, and he is seeking the Lord's counsel on his own as well, and I am praying for my husband.

Delight yourself in the Lord

2007-07-03T11:04:00.000-07:00

My goals for last week:

Be aware of my actions and to seek the Lord's direction/guidance before I respond. To not be so sarcastic or biting, even in humour.
To love my husband unconditionally, and to pray in earnest for him as he walks with God.
Trust his judgement.

I will have to say that I have made baby steps in all of these areas, and that my resolve to pray for my husband has grown stronger instead of lessening, even though this has been a difficult week for me. I shouldn't be surprised at the difficulties or trials. It is just par for the course in a Christian's life. The enemy would love nothing better to see our goals dropped, or our faith be non-existent, but this is the time to persevere. God will not quit on us, and he will equip us in our calling. Around the middle of the week, I was beginning to wonder if there was any hope, and an email from some missionary friends popped up. I hadn't received an update from them in a while, but this was a message from God, and the scripture given to me was:

"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if
we do not lose heart." Galatians 6:9

He was reminding me that though it may look hopeless now, that I don't see the big picture. God's timing is perfect. God's will is perfect. My duty is to rest in that, and to remain joyful, because He wants us to have joy in everything that happens, because that is the true sign of trust and faith.

"Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your
heart.
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will act."
Psalm
37:4-5

This is my new goal for the week. To delight myself in the Lord and pray that my will matches His will.

Love & Blessings,

Honor your Husband - 30 Day Challenge

2007-06-26T13:42:00.000-07:00

When God speaks to me, He often uses repetition. At first, I thought it was because of my normally stubborn nature, but then I learned that it is Hebrew custom to use repetition to stress the importance of something. So, I have learned that when God asks me to do something that He feels should be a priority in my life, He will do it repeatedly, but in different ways. First, it might start with a nudging of my heart, a planting of an idea in my soul. After this planting, He waters it by making this idea either be the new topic of conservation in my circle of friends, or brings others to me that are in need, or He leads me to areas that cement His will in place.
I've been feeling a pull to start a wives praying for their husbands group. God even gave me the people that He felt should be in this group. He even arranged it where one of the women was put back in my path. It's so awesome to be a part of His plan, and see where He draws the lines and fills in the blanks.

I was led to Fruit in Seasons's blog and have signed up for this challenge, which, along with my prayer group will help hold me accountable. I plan on blogging weekly about my commitment to pray for my husband daily, even when he is making me angry, not that he does it often, but it happens. I need to not dwell so much on what he does, but in my responses, because it's my own walk with God that I am responsible for and will answer for later. Here are my goals for this week:

Be aware of my actions and to seek the Lord's direction/guidance before I respond. To not be so sarcastic or biting, even in humour.
To love my husband unconditionally, and to pray in earnest for him as he walks with God.
Trust his judgement.

http://fruitinseason.blogspot.com/2007/06/challenge-is-here.html

Why are we here?

2007-06-19T06:37:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about our family and where we want to go, or where we want to be, in say 5 years, or even next year. For the longest time, I've been trying to ignore that thought, with excuses like, "I'm not the spiritual head of the family", or "Why do I have to be the one to start this" (this is said in a really whiny 2 year old voice). It's not like my dh isn't spiritual. He is. He loves God very much, and definitely has a relationship with Him. But we all go through seasons, and this is my dh's season of trying to find his place with our Father, and figuring out where he stands with Him. So God has been laying it on my heart for this vision for our family, and while my dh is trying to "find his way", it's my responsible as the mom of our children, and the wife of my husband to stand firm in the Word, and do my part, which is being obedient to what God calls me to do, and believing that he has already equipped me to do that which I have been called.
Which is this vision for our family. And while, I've been making excuses and trying to figure out how to go about this task, I've had the answer right here. In our curriculum, "Teaching with God's Heart for the World," there is a chapter titled "Finding Your Family Mission/Vision." I've already been equipped-God is so amazing! It's a 10 step procedure for the whole family to participate in. We have to remember that our vision has to be God's vision first. Seek Him in prayer first, and remember that God, "who has saved us, and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity," (2 Timothy 1:10). He has a purpose for all of us; we just have to seek Him to find out what that is.

Asking ourselves who we are as a family; what is our reason for existence; and what do we wish to accomplish.
Looking back at our family history and seeing how has our family been used by God, and what unique resources, gifts or talents does our family have.
Asking what do we believe. What are our family's core values beliefs. What is important to our family, and what behaviours do we want to encourage and discourage.
Who are we in terms of a family unit? Why do we exist as a family, and what should we accomplish as a family? WRITE MISSION STATEMENT based on these questions.
Looking at where we want to be in 3-5 years. What do we think we will be doing at that time, and as a family, what direction do we feel called to take by God to achieve our mission?
List short-term objectives
List Major Hindrances that will affect our family in reaching the mission/vision that we have developed. What stands in our way?
Determine strategic actions to overcome each barrier.
Write this all down in notebook.
Believe in our mission/vision statements and LIVE BY THEM!

Well, I guess it's time for me stop talking about our vision, and start doing. I pray that this has helped those of you who have chosen to read my blog, and if you are called to follow this plan, I pray that God blesses and directs your family as you seek His will and navigation.

World Expedition

2007-06-11T20:17:00.000-07:00

My 2 youngest children and I went on an expedition today. I gave both kids a copy of a world map, and we traipsed through the backyard, climbing snowy mountains and regular mountains (slides), creeped through the "Prickly Forest" (a collection of prickly things that fall from our tree raked in a hole), spoke to the "wolfdog" (the family pet), inquiring of a treasure, and ended up in the deserts of Egypt (the turtle sandbox). Of course, this family trip was caught on film as most vacations are. Once back home, we munched on grilled cheese sandwiches and chocolate cake, and finished off the day on our couches covered by blankets, since the inside of our house is the "Arctic Zone" (Dad likes the house set on 65 degrees). I couldn't have asked for a better day!

I love my schoolroom...

2007-06-08T05:41:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting a while to have a room that would just be my school room. We've schooled at the kitchen table, the coffee table, on the floor, but it was always such a pain! The books were either trading places with the dinner dishes, or creating mountains on the coffee table, thereby blocking the view of the television, and if they were on the floor, you always stood the chance of one jumping out in front of you and stubbing your pinky toe, or your husband's... Good times...not! Well, I finally have my room! My books have a home! And they needed one. Needless to say, my husband does not share my passion for books, but he's accepting of it, as long as they stay out of his way...

I came upon this poem and wanted to share...

2007-05-26T13:34:00.000-07:00

Christians - By Maya Angelou